Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize