i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
