so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
