dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
