I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
