you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i will never coherently bang her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
