Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
