I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
