I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize