She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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