This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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