Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
