life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
