using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
