1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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