how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
