stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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