i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
