my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
