Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
