There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize