Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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