Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
