wat bout pragnant strippers??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
