even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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