Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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