One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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