I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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