there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
