the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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