Where are you?
In a non slutty way
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
