his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
