There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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