I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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