You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
