dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
