We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
