ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
