Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize