i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
