I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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