hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
