I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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