He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
