we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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