He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
