I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
