This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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