i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
