Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
