Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
