Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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