you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
