I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My balls are so social today.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
so much tequila, so little girl.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
