Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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