YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
