your parents love me but you hate me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
