I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
