Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
