I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
