She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
