UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
