I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
