THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
