You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
