from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
