you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
