im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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