You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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